
Because having a full color flag costs too much
As you’ve likely noticed, I’ve been a bit off my game lately in the update department. While this is due in part to some laziness on my part (it happens to the best of us), it was also because I had to make an impromptu trip to Pittsburgh last week and ended up out of commission for the better part of five days. On the bright side, the trip didn’t come without inspiration.
The reason for the trip was that I found out last Wednesday that my grandmother had passed away early that morning. As you can imagine, this necessitated a trip to the wake and funeral, which were both in Pittsburgh where she lived (along with much of my extended family).
Immediately after hearing this, my mom set about getting us a couple tickets to Pittsburgh, setting up a hotel room, and all that jazz. If you’ve flown into Pittsburgh recently, I think you know what’s coming next.
David Grossman of the USA Today wrote about the Pittsburgh airport’s woes last year, and it really is quite sad to see. To make a long story short, Pittsburgh has a very nice airport. It’s efficient, fairly new, is never ridiculously busy, and is generally a great place to spend a layover (there’s a mall with over 100 shops). Yet in the past 10 years, the airport has seen its traffic greatly decline, to the point where entire wings of the airport have been shut down and are not currently in use. The reason for this lies in the continuing financial woes of US Airways. For many years, Pittsburgh has been a “hub” for the airline, or rather a common airport for connections. As the airline has encountered more financial trouble over the years, it has cut back flights into Pittsburgh, choosing to use Philadelphia and Charlotte (which is one damned good airport also) as primary hubs on the east coast instead. The problem is, now you can’t get a direct flight into Pittsburgh from cities like San Diego and Seattle, and cities like Los Angeles and San Francisco only offer one non-stop flight per day. Therefore, if you’re coming in from the west coast, have fun getting a non-stop flight. Grossman explains it in more detail than I do, but hopefully you get the basic gist.
One thing he talks about, however, is that as a result of this decrease in service and traffic, airfare to Pittsburgh has gotten cheaper. Well, you wouldn’t know it based on what happened to me and my mom.
Working quickly, she found a round trip package to Pittsburgh that would leave the next morning. The trip consisted of a flight from Los Angeles to Phoenix, a one hour layover, and then Phoenix to Pittsburgh. The return trip was Pittsburgh to Charlotte, a three hour layover, and Charlotte to LA. Not optimal, but we didn’t exactly have a lot of options. Well, guess how much this round trip was going to cost?
$2400 for the two of us, or about $1200 each. My mom argued with them on the phone for a bit (my mother is a holy terror when she feels she’s been slighted), asking them for a bereavement fare. Well, that cut things down to $1858…PER PERSON!!! Explain to me how that works. After some more hand-wringing, she got them to give us both tickets for $1858. Still highway robbery, but not quite grand larceny.
I’m guessing one of the reasons they charge so damned much for tickets (even for the bereaved!) is that US Airways has been bleeding money for over 10 years now. Whenever talk turns to socialism these days (and boy, the word sure has been getting a lot of play in this election), I always bring up the airline industry. After all, it’s the most heavily subsidized industry in America next to farming (well, until the Wall Street fiasco), and there’s no better example of this than US Airways. Despite the subsidies, US Airways still loses a shitload of money, which leads to some genuinely hilarious examples of cutting corners and doing more with less. I mean, honestly, when you hear some of these, you’ll wonder if you’ve somehow stumbled into the filming of Airplane 3.
Like many other airlines now, US Airways charges you to check a bag. Ho hum. The only major airline I know of that doesn’t do this is Southwest (AKA The Slingshot Express). Hence, I tend to travel on Southwest whenever I can. In addition, US Airways also charges you for in-flight food. I hadn’t seen this until I flew United to and from New York a couple months ago (for $450, thank you very much), and it frankly kind of baffles me. Not the fact that they need money; I get that. But Jesus Christ, you’re going to charge over $1000 for a ticket and food isn’t even fucking included? Seriously? If you would have told me five years ago I’d be paying 10 bucks for airline food I would have thought the world had ended and we were being forced to scavenge plane wreckage for sustenance. Such is not the case, it seems.
But this is where US Airways takes things one step further and just becomes all-out mockery. Most airlines charge for alcoholic drinks. However, soft drinks and juice tend to be free, along with peanuts and/or pretzels. Well, not so on US Airways! Not only do they charge you for soda and juice, but they charge you for water. Yes, you read that right. US Airways charges you for a fucking glass of water. Two dollars, I might add! Clearly they’re desperate for money, right?
That’s an understatement. On the return flight from Charlotte, I also discovered that there were ads for Kinko’s on the tray tables. Actually, I don’t really have a problem with that – put more ads on the planes. I’m sure they could make a killing off that. Hell, look at buses and subways. They’re covered in ads. Then again, they’re also government-run…but I mean really, so are the fucking airlines, for God’s sake.
But just when things couldn’t get any more comical, when my flight from Charlotte to LA began its final descent, a flight attendant came on the intercom. I figured she was going to tell us to adjust our seats and tray tables, but no. Instead, she proceeded to shill some crappy Visa card to us. Seriously. She got on the fucking intercom and spent the entire descent hawking a credit card to us. I was frankly speechless. They’re resorting to selling credit cards to score some cash? In this economy? I feel like this airline is run by Carl Weathers playing a penny-pinching version of himself in Arrested Development.
This would all be enough if it weren’t for the last whopper I discovered during my most recent travels with US Airways. During one of the flights, my mom sat next to a guy who was actually a US Airways pilot. Due to the cuts in flights in and out of Pittsburgh, this poor guy had to commute to Philadelphia whenever he worked, then fly into other northeastern airports, simply because of Pittsburgh’s lack of direct flights. Ugh. Anyway, he told my mom about US Airways’ latest penny-pinching idea. Apparently, they want to stop showing in-flight movies. I figured this was because it was too expensive to show them, and that’s half-true. The real reason? The equipment to show the movies is too heavy, and they want to save fuel costs.
…
I mean…shit.
What’s next? Are they going to convert the lavatories into seats? Charge people for carry-ons? Charge for pillows and blankets (still free, but water isn’t)? Eliminate non-stop flights altogether? Have flight attendants hawk products during the safety instructions?
You laugh now, but judging by what I’ve seen from US Airways lately, those are all distinct possibilities.